Every word spoken—whether to a member, colleague, subordinate or manager—can contribute to a positive, respectful environment or undermine the overall morale. One particular phrase that stands out to me as detrimental is “do me a favor.”
For example, the food and beverage director asks a restaurant manager, “Do me a favor and fix the table setups in the main dining room.” On the surface, it may seem like a harmless request, but the condescending undertone is unmistakable. It’s as if the director is saying, “Do me a favor and do your job,” which is not a favor at all. The server’s role is to ensure that the tables are ready for service, so framing it as a personal favor implies that the task is an inconvenience to the director rather than part of the manager’s responsibilities.
Language plays an outsize role in shaping the culture of a high-touch service environment like a private club, where every member’s experience matters. A simple change in wording can drastically shift how workers perceive their tasks and roles. When leaders misuse phrases like “do me a favor,” they risk souring the collaborative spirit essential for team success.
WHY “DO ME A FAVOR” HURTS TEAM MORALE
The phrase “do me a favor” carries implicit assumptions. It suggests that the person making the request is asking for something outside the ordinary that may require extra effort. However, when used in a context where the task falls squarely within the employee’s job description, the phrase trivializes the employee’s role and can seem dismissive. Instead of fostering a sense of shared responsibility, it can make the worker feel belittled.
Employees—from the pro shop staff to the groundskeepers and kitchen crew—are expected to work together seamlessly in a private club setting. Every role is integral to maintaining the club’s high standards. When management or colleagues misuse language, even unintentionally, it can create an environment where employees feel undervalued.
Let’s consider another example. A golf course superintendent says to a groundskeeper, “Do me a favor and make sure the bunkers are raked.” The message might be clear, but the phrasing subtly implies that the task is a personal favor rather than an essential part of maintaining the course’s standards. Over time, this type of communication erodes respect, making employees feel their work is not recognized for its inherent value.
OTHER PHRASES THAT CAN SOUR WORKPLACE CULTURE
The “do me a favor” mentality isn’t the only linguistic trap managers and co-workers can fall into. Other phrases that may seem benign but can have similarly negative effects on team morale are:
- “It’s not that difficult.” This phrase is often used when someone believes a task should be easy, implying that the employee’s struggle is due to incompetence. For instance, a clubhouse manager might say to a server having a problem with the POS, “It’s really not that difficult, you just need to …” The assumption that a task is easy for one person can make the recipient feel inadequate or embarrassed.
- “You’re lucky to have this job.” Sometimes used to motivate employees, this phrase has the opposite effect. It frames employment as a favor given to the worker rather than a mutual agreement where both the employee and employer benefit. In a private club, where staff often take pride in their work, this phrase can be particularly demoralizing, stripping away the sense of partnership that should exist between employer and employee.
- “That’s not my job.” While used in response to feeling overburdened, it can also serve as a roadblock to teamwork. In any club setting, everyone’s efforts contribute to the overall experience. Saying “That’s not my job” when asked to help out during a busy time can alienate co-workers and send the message that you’re unwilling to contribute beyond the bare minimum.
SHIFTING THE DIALOGUE FOR A HEALTHIER WORKPLACE CULTURE
So, how can we shift our language to create a more positive and respectful culture? It starts with reframing how we ask for help or delegate tasks. Instead of saying, “Do me a favor and fix the table setups in the main dining room” try “Please fix the table setups in the main dining room.” This subtle change respects the worker’s role by framing it as a task rather than a personal favor.
Similarly, rather than using condescending phrases such as “It’s not that hard,” a more constructive approach would be offering support: “Let me know if you need any help with POS.” This would open the door for collaboration and demonstrate respect for the challenges others may face.
At the heart of a successful workplace is respect. Private clubs rely on their staff to create a seamless experience for members, and how staff communicate is critical to maintaining a harmonious environment. Leaders and managers set the tone, and by paying attention to their language, they can foster an atmosphere where employees feel vlaued, respected and motivated to contribute. The words we choose in the workplace matter. In a private club’s fast-paced, service-driven environment language can either lift or tear down employees. By avoiding saying “Do me a favor,” “It’s not that hard,” and “You’re lucky to have this job,” managers and co-workers can ensure they aren’t inadvertently undermining the very teamwork they seek to promote. When communication is respectful and clear, the workplace becomes more efficient and a place where employees feel recognized for their valuable roles.
As leaders and colleagues, it’s essential to watch our language.
THE BOARDROOM MAGAZINE – January/February 2025
Michelle A. Riklan, ACRW, CPRW, CEIC, CJSS, is a Certified DiSC Trainer Career Strategist, Search and Consulting Executive with KOPPLIN KUEBLER & WALLACE, a consulting firm providing executive search, strategic planning and data analysis services to the private club and hospitality industries. Michelle can be reached at (908) 415-4825 and at Michelle@kkandw.com.