In the hospitality industry, where service is personal and relationships matter, communication is everything. Words don’t just deliver messages; they shape tone, convey respect (or lack thereof) and either build or erode trust. Your language speaks as loudly as your leadership decisions. Even seemingly harmless phrases, often said out of habit, can damage morale, create defensiveness and make people feel undervalued. Strong leaders understand that what you say and how you say it matter. Unfortunately, even well-intentioned managers forget that.
Let’s look at three common missteps and how they affect team culture.
1. “Aren’t you aware that…” or “You DO know that…”
This type of phrasing isn’t about dialogue; it’s about blame. Often laced with sarcasm, it tells the employee: You messed up, even if you didn’t.
Example: During a busy dinner service, a longtime member, recovering from foot surgery, asks the dining room manager if she can be seated in the formal dining room wearing supportive sneakers. The manager discreetly agrees.
The next day, the GM receives a complaint: “Not sure who’s managing the floor these days, but someone was wearing sneakers in the formal dining room last night. Thought we had standards
“Not sure who’s managing the floor these days, but someone was wearing sneakers in the formal dining room last night. Thought we had standards.”
Without seeking context, the GM turns to the dining room manager and says, “You do know sneakers aren’t permitted in the formal dining room, right?”
The impact: The manager made a thoughtful decision, yet is scolded and second-guessed.
The message: Even when you do the right thing, you could still get blamed if someone complains.
A better approach: “A member wrote in about someone wearing sneakers last night. I figured there might’ve been a reason. Can you fill me in?”
2. “I find that hard to believe…”
Dismissive language, especially from someone removed from daily operations, can crush morale.
Example: A department head reports concerns about an employee allegedly shirking responsibilities and possibly stealing from the bar. The GM responds, “I find that hard to believe; he’s always seemed trustworthy and came highly recommended.”
The impact:The department head walks away discouraged. They took a risk in bringing forward a concern, only to be brushed off.
The message: Relationships trump facts, and future concerns might not be worth raising.
A better approach: “That’s surprising. I’ve had a positive impression, but I appreciate you bringing it to me. Tell me more about what you’ve observed, and I’ll make sure it’s looked into.”
3. “You’ve upset Mrs. Smith; she no longer wants to work with you.”
In the private club world, “the member is always right” may be the motto, but that doesn’t mean employees should feel unsupported.
Example: An assistant golf professional is called in and told, “You’ve upset Mrs. Smith; she no longer wants to work with you.” No explanation. No chance to respond.
Mrs. Smith has a reputation for being demanding, yet the conversation skips straight to blame. The director’s wording implies guilt and offers no path for resolution.
The impact: The assistant pro walks away demoralized, uncertain of his standing.
A better approach: “Mrs. Smith has asked to work with someone else, and while we’ll honor that, I’d like to understand what happened from your side. I know how challenging these situations can be, and I want to make sure you feel supported.”
WRAPPING IT UP
In our industry, where service, pride and relationships are tightly woven, language isn’t just a tool; it’s a reflection of leadership.
Great leaders know and respect their teams. They build trust, create space for vulnerability and foster environments where people feel safe offering ideas, owning mistakes and asking for help. They don’t let policies override people or allow member expectations to strip staff of their dignity.
Conversely, reactive or dismissive leaders chip away at morale. They shut down dialogue, lead with blame and act as if their judgment is infallible. To understand what kind of leader someone is, don’t just look at their title; listen to how they speak to others.
When you watch your language, you don’t just avoid missteps; you build the kind of culture where people feel respected, heard and motivated to give their best.
THE BOARDROOM MAGAZINE – January/February 2026
Michelle A. Riklan, ACRW, CPRW, CEIC, CJSS, is a Certified DiSC Trainer Career Strategist, Search and Consulting Executive with KOPPLIN KUEBLER & WALLACE, a consulting firm providing executive search, strategic planning and data analysis services to the private club and hospitality industries. Michelle can be reached at (908) 415-4825 and at Michelle@kkandw.com.